Melbourne Escort Venus Van Gogh starts planning for retirement

As my 30th birthday is around the corner, I find myself engaging in a lot of self reflection. Thinking about who I was 10 years ago and who I want to be in 10 years from now. I feel no qualms or anxiety over turning 30, as I know that I have grown into someone I’m proud of in the last 10 years and I can’t wait to see how I exceed that over the next 10.

I’ve really been thinking about how I want to move forward and how best to pursue my own happiness. If I’ve learned anything from my hours upon hours on the veggie gardening side of tik tok, it’s that many different types of vegetables grow best when you carefully prune what does not serve them. From topping capsicum plants to bottoming tomato plants and pinching off their suckers in order to produce higher, healthier yields, I reflect on my own life and the things that no longer serve me and my happiness, or are starting to take more than they give.

I started sex work at the age of 19 and I started my independent journey as a Melbourne Escort at age 25. Sex work has made me the person I am. It has given me so much in terms of confidence, the ability to form and uphold boundaries. It has taught me about spending my time wisely and being wise about who I spend my time with. It has taught me so much about other people and myself. It has given me enough money to live comfortably and buy a home. This is not an exhaustive list, as there are some truly incredible gifts that this industry has bestowed upon me and I will forever be grateful.

No situation is all sunshine and roses though and I think it’s important to reflect on the things sex work has taken from me. When you’re just trying to make enough money to reach your goals, it can really blind you to the things you’re missing out on. Especially in this day and age of having to be an online influencer to run a successful business. It has taken my privacy, I will never be able to scrub the internet of my leaked porn and I feel violated and disgusted by that. It has taken away my ability to travel freely and my ability to pursue romance and sexual satisfaction or even friendships in my personal affairs. I rarely have energy to see my friends and family, it has zapped the spontaneity and sociability out of my life. My connections with others have definitely suffered.

My ability to express myself in my most authentic way and have my needs met have also been impacted by being a sex worker. The way I present has always been to inspire lust and desire in men. I’m not allowed to be smarter than I am sexually desirable. I’m not allowed to be too true to my far left politics, so as not to offend the people who I need as clients. I’m not allowed to be vulnerable because of how vulnerable workers are targeted by people with bad intentions. I’m not allowed to talk openly about having very normal and reasonable boundaries, so as not to appear too high maintenance or intimidating. Every hobby I have has to be marketed and then the marketing of that hobby is constantly expected, I can never have anything just for me, it can feel so performative at times. I’m not allowed to get attached to clients, and I’m not allowed to be annoyed at them when I don’t see them for 6 months. I’m not allowed to make sexual or emotional demands to have my needs met. I have to be this perfect little package of the perfect girlfriend who doesn’t nag, or have any expectations, or any say in how the relationship progresses. I so often have to make myself small in order to make space for the needs of others, and while I don’t see anything inherently wrong with that, it’s a job and I’m getting paid well, the one-sided companionship does get old after 10 years and it takes so much from me that I find it difficult to pursue personal relationships that would fulfil me and my human needs. It doesn’t allow me to make space in my life to take as much as I give and that’s truly important for any person’s long term happiness. Feeling othered from people is something I’ve felt my entire life as a neurodiverse person and as a sex worker, but lately the feeling of otherness is beyond what I have ever felt. There’s always going to be the sense of feeling othered by non-sex workers - having been referred to as “your stripper friend” or “your prostitute friend”, it seems to be the only thing people remember about me. All of my other achievements and accomplishments and qualities don’t exist to most. I find it harder and harder to relate to people with 9-5 jobs, children and “normal” lives, I can’t fathom how they get out of bed in the morning to merely be cogs in the machine. It’s a weird place to be.

The thing I really wasn’t expecting and the thing I really struggle with the most is feeling othered within my own community for the last few years. In this space, where I’m literally supposed to fit in by simply being part of the community, I can’t be truly myself as I have a sex work adjacent business and rely on other sex workers for my second income. Everything I say on twitter or in private spaces is on display for other sex workers and if I have an opinion that is too spicy or seems to take sides in disputes, it harms my income. I can’t be too passionate as people will find me too intimidating. I can’t have a single online presence where I’m fully open and honest about my experiences or feelings without this weird and overbearing sense of conflict that people follow you around with for literally years. With the way our community continually fractures online, I feel particularly fractured from it. It’s a level of disconnect that I’m trying my best to remedy, but it’s hard to find your people when you feel you can’t be your true self for the fear of a loss of income.

As much as I have loved so much of my time in the industry and adore all of the wonderful clients who have truly invested in me, part of me feels that I have sacrificed far too much for this job for too long. I feel that perhaps sex work has given me all it can give me in terms of my personal growth and it is now taking from me more than it gives back, in so far as the things I desire at this stage in my life. The beauty of sex work is that is it always there for you and sometimes it's the right thing for you in that moment and sometimes it's no longer the right thing for you. I have toyed with the idea of retirement for a few years now, but never really committed to it. I think in order to truly reset my perspective, eventual retirement from the industry is the answer. I think it is time to really start making motions to begin a slow retreat over the next few years and I will be incrementally less available and less accessible regarding my rates.

For patrons of Venus, this is the time when I start truly prioritising the kinds of dates and generous clients who bring joy to this sphere, and start pulling back from 1 and eventually 2 hour bookings and “the hustle” side of things. If you’ve been meaning to see me, but have been waiting around for whatever reason, don’t take that “few years” as a challenge to wait until I have an exact date, because life is short and circumstances change. I am actively looking for other opportunities and whether that takes a few years or a few months, when the right one comes up, my exit from this industry may be overnight, and it is the ones who have built a truly enjoyable working relationship that might have the opportunity to continue that working relationship after such time.

So while this is not goodbye yet and we can’t be certain of what the future holds, this is me speaking my intentions into existence and manifesting the best possible outcome for my future. I’m both nervous and excited to start really heading down this new path and really aim to enjoy the limited time I have left here. I hope you’ll be part of this last joyful phase of my sex work journey.